Addiction is not a light-hearted topic. If you have lived with someone who’s had some form of dependency (let that be alcohol or drugs), you understand how difficult it is.

Sharing a household with an addict takes a huge toll on families. It doesn’t only cause financial troubles, it also affects us mentally, which sometimes manifests in physical symptoms also. Experiencing it at a young age is extremely traumatic and the repercussions stay with us well into our adulthood. Anxiety, depression, insomnia, potential suicidal thoughts are a few of the most common trauma responses.

As someone who grew up in a home with an alcoholic, some of the things I saw and heard as a child, I don’t wish on anyone. Yet, I know that there are so many people struggling with this all around the world. We all deal with it differently. Some people end up following the same path and succumb to drugs or alcohol, others will make a point of becoming the best person they can possibly be. I, for one, fall into the category that chose to “run away” from it. I thought if I change my environment, it will be so much easier. I wouldn’t have to think about it or deal with it, I could just leave it in the past and sweep it under the mat. Little did I know, it’s not as easy to disassociate.

As an adult, I now realise how many traits I have and how many things I do that started off as a form defence when I was a kid, and I ended up carrying them with me as I got older. The reality is, however, while these coping strategies worked at the time and were rather clever for a child, they are not needed anymore, therefore they’re proved to more harmful than helpful. The trust issues, shutting down my emotions, not processing negative events are now obstacles rather than a shield that protected me from pain back then.

Having to unlearn the only ways I know to survive and re-wiring my brain is not exactly a walk in the park. However, now that I have a deeper understanding of why I react to situations in a certain way or why I feel some emotions during certain interactions, I feel like I owe it to my younger self to take this time and do the hard work to feel better and be better. At the moment, my main goal is to not be afraid of forging meaningful relationships without the constant fear of getting hurt and being let down. The 5-year-old that I once was deserves a chance at a brighter future, and if I can do anything to give that to her, I’m more than willing to try.

What I wish for people to take away from this is that it can get better. The road is long and bumpy and full of twists and turns. However, you can get there. It takes determination, but it can be done. You might face some setbacks. There will be times when you’ll think you took two steps forward and ended up taking five steps back. The end of the journey will be the same nonetheless.